The Gallery Hop Incident

I get home from my week long vacation in Florida around 7:30 PM. Lindsay and I get dropped off in Dublin to pick up her car and Rocko, then we headed home. I changed real quick and rode the whip down to {milk bar} for Gallery Hop. DJ Moxy (Yo Moxy, we heard someone you know got a video of the whole incident, know anything about that?) provided the soundtrack and the store was full of new faces. I was kind of hot from the ride so I decided to stand outside and enjoy the weather. Looking back, that might have been the one mistake I made.

While talking to Odes and I hear someone screaming something about “Obama nazi lovers,” so I turn around and see a beat up black Hyundai parked in front of the store. These two chicks pulled up and started screaming at everyone. Emo fags, bitches, you name it. We were called everything in the book.

After a short exchange the passenger decides to throw out a bag of Chinese leftovers and drive off. As they began to pull away, someone threw the bag directly back into the window as they were pulling away. Truly a great shot, worthy of an ESPN Top Ten spot. They came to a screeching halt and someone ran up to the car and was immediately hit with the Chinese food. This time the container was open. He threw it right back at the car and it went all over the dashboard and the front seats. Another great shot.

They stopped the car and decided this would be a good time to take on 30 people. The passenger ran up and hit/slapped Odes in the face. Someone took a shot at her but she was unfazed. She then ran inside the store, threw a beer, and started raging. I walked in to try to tell someone to kick her out but that was already happening. While standing inside she smacks me, I turn my head to the side (like someone does after they get smacked), and as I’m turning around, she catches me with a right. Yup, I got stuck by a 5’3 chick. It’s reall funny now that I think about it. The biggest meathead weekend Columbus has ever seen (Arnold Classic + UFC) and I get stuck by an alternateen on meth.

I somehow resisted the urge to choke slam her into the ground. Looking back I’m glad I did. Top Gun (the long ass Columbus firetruck) pulls up outside as the chicks are getting back into their car. We figure they are going to keep them until the police show up. Nope, they let the girls take off. Thanks, Top Gun!

After they leave (Police still haven’t shown up, probably 10-15 minutes have gone by), the girls come back and this time they are armed. One of them is armed with a one gallon can of paint and the other one is armed with, well, meth. She opens up the can of paint and starts moving towards the store. The can of paint was immediately confiscated by a courageous citizen, and the paint somehow ended up all over the hood of her car. She was not happy. This was followed by a few minutes of screaming and kicking random people who were walking down the street. They were distracted so the keys were removed from the ignition of their car. A few minutes later they noticed this and really started to freak out. The started hurling N-bombs left and right, calling people dykes, etc. Everyone handled themselves really well and I was quite impressed. One of the chicks called the cops (WTF?) and insisted that I had assaulted her. Hilarious.

To avoid any more damage, the keys were returned and the methies took off. We got their license plate and the cops finally showed up. They actually had a mugshot of the chick on file in their cruiser. We were all worked up but glad the incident was finally over. Or so we thought.

I was standing outside, facing {milk bar}, getting ready to hop on my bike. I was literally telling Kareem we would meet him later when I got hit by something. I look down. Eggs! I just got egged by meth heads! The chicks threw six or seven eggs and somehow I was the only person who got hit. After standing there for about 15 seconds in shock, Kareem tells me to ride my bike behind the car and follow them. Paul, Wes and I started riding after them. About a minute later I realize something is wrong with my bike so I look down. Flat tire, yes!

That pretty much sums up the evening. The chicks never came back. Someone said they’ve seen them at Sweatin’ and Moral Tales. Lets hope they show up again!

March 9, 2009 | Categories: All About Nothing, columbus, Comedy, Funny, Home School, LIFE, Milk Bar, party, pictures, Shows/Events, weak enders | Tags: a chick straight stuck me, a girl beat my ass, arnold classic, assault, best story ever, Bikes, caught a right, chinese food, crack whores, crazy ass white trash, drugs are bad, egged, eggs, flat tire, Gallery Hop, i got stuck, inocent until proven guilty, meatheads, meth, meth heads, methheads, Milk Bar, moral tales, mugshot, paint, shopping, short north, skanks, Sweatin, swolled on, UFC, welcome back | 16 Comments